So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
