i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
