Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
