So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
