wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
