Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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