ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
