I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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