I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
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I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
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He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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