I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
