There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
