i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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