Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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