I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
