I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
