It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You made out with two different species that night
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
