Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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