You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
