this just has baby written all over it
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
