Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
