My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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