Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
