I just made out with a guy for $7.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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