The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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