so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
