I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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