i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Someone shit on the floor
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
