He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
