my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
