I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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