Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize