I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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