Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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