Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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