Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
