My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
