i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
