I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
