We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Semen is not good for contacts.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
