I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
God, I missed his penis.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
