sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
