turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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