Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
