do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
