just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
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