sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
