I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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