Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
