How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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