I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
