Soap is not a condiment
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
