You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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