I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
