It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
