New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
