She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
