Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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