OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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