i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
