Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
