He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
